Dear log,

I've counted the months and i havent written to you in nearly half a year (da ban nian), but then again, what is there to say? These past few months I've wondered to myself, and wondered deep about my enjoyment of life. They say life is what you make it, but, I fail to understand why everything had to change so quickly but s-l-o-w-l-y...and boring. I miss last year and all it's memories, I can think of nothing better than to return to those days. I'm not comfortable with the merging of the schools and don't think I ever will be. Who knows. They don't know how much this has affected everything, my mood, my mindset. These days I feel more a fool than I ever did. I know i've done way more stupid things before, but everything I do now feels empty and pointless. I used to know what i wanted in life. I don't know about now. Everything in my life seems so much more depressing, I never thought I would feel this way. I was always sure I would stay cheerful inside, but the mask I have to put on nearly everyday to pretend to be okay is... hurting. I think I need a change of scenery. A change. That's it. A better change. A change from the painful dragging on of the last few months. The people in my life don't have so much to do with my problem, just the depressing environment and pace of things. I feel I want to change schools or something. I don't think I can stand anything anymore, nowadays even the tiniest flick can annoy me to no end. I'm starting to hate myself for it. For everything. When I'm at school, I can never seat myself down, I'm always having to stand for all the other things in the world to pass me by. I can never have a rest even though the time is pointless. I don't understand why they had to change the school. They don't understand crap. Their whole system is stuffed up. -.-" I don't know who im against anymore. Me? Or is it really the school? Or am i just making up excuses and blaming it on something else. Arghh...

I should probably stop writing, I'm feeling extreme depression coming along. xD